Your friends are safe, but far from comfortable. If you wish you rescue them, you must pay the ransom (add link) immediately. Otherwise, behold the discomfort they shall endure!  

  • Baby Shark has been playing on the loudspeakers for the past hour! 
  • The light bulb buzzes in an annoying manner!  
  • The television only shows the same rerun of Scott’s Tots! 
  • We offer six different types of donuts… but no plain glazed!  
  • The room is slightly chilly, and the only sweaters we provide are itchy!  

You may call us monsters, and perhaps you’re right. The clock to save your friends from our chaotic horribleness is ticking.  

Image credit John Graham